in no specific order.

• i will never hear the cure again without thinking of you.
• i would love to go back and do it all again, i don't even care how it ended.
• you asked me once, i gave you a half-assed answer and i don't think i can ever tell you the truth because it's been too long.
• i was such a fucking dork. my god.
• irving park runs through it all, so funny.
• i was naive and in a lot of ways used you for practice. i'm sorry for that.
• i wanted to tell you i was in love with you 3 days after we met. i have proof, too.
• i will never hear the steve miller fucking band without thinking of you.
• in the end you were unfaithful and no amount of fantasy can ever change that.
• in the end you were unfaithful and no amount of self-diagnosis can ever change that.
• in the end you were unfaithful and no amount of self-denial can ever change that.
• you'll never see this, you don't even remember me I bet. but i remember you.
• i lied to you. about a lot. i think you know, too.
• with you i was too reserved.
• with you i was too involved.
• with you i was too pathetically romantic.
• with you i was too lost and, ultimately, deluded.
• i'd like to think you shaped who i am as a husband.
• i'd like to think you shaped who i am as a father.
• remember tammy? it was so weird hearing about the two of you running into each other while we were broken up.
• looking back I should have taken a swing. in my mind i was ready to.
• i was wrong for fucking with you. and not that i ever would now, but i know i still could.
• you can be a bit of a know-it-all but to be perfectly honest, it's a lot of what makes you so sexy.
• it never would have worked, no matter how sure we were at the time.
• they would be 13 years old now, what the fuck.
• i can't remember if i ever gave you the note. if i did, i'm sorry.
• i remember finding the note and not saying anything. i never felt more vulnerable and i never will again.
• the reason i haven't deleted the emails is because they mean more to me than you'll ever know.
• i didn't say how smart you were enough, i did say i loved you too much.
• i didn't say how charming you were enough, i did say how cool you were too much.
• i didn't say how cruel you were enough, i did say how attractive you were too much.
• you taught me about hypoglycemia in oak park, across the street from Val Halla records. you won't remember that.
• in the end my brother was right about you, who woulda thunk?
• god that morning was so awkward yet my sister talked to you and everything was ok after that. still, so embarassing.
• where the fuck did the money go? and with you that could refer to so many things, too. sigh.
• haha you spilled hot chocolate on yourself that first date, i can't imagine how nervous you were.
• yeah, i checked your messages.
• every morning, without fail. one headlight would be playing on Q101 at some point on my ride home too.
• i do wonder what happened to fod and sierra.
• there is no god up in the sky tonight. no sign of heaven anywhere in sight.
• every time i drive past western and montrose i think about that party with the guy puking over the back deck. my memories are so complete and random.
• haha i practiced kissing on my shower door the night before i came by to see you. *facepalm*
• remember when you were certain you were becoming a vampire? sometimes i swear we were LARPing half the time, subconsciously.
• the idea of getting old and forgetting half these memories is why i decided to do this, but i am keeping some for myself alone.
• prawn heads.
• before you i never wanted to be a callous, mean soul. fuck you for that.
• harvard.
• walking in frigid boston not knowing where things really stood is the lonliest i've ever felt in my life.
• i bragged a lot and it wasn't even true.
• i should have grown some self es-fucking-teem and left before it got bad.
• i should have grown some self es-fucking-teem and left before it got worse.
• what a fucking wuss. a crying, shaking mess. and you still married him. ha!
• i didn't tell you about the gathering because i was embarassed of you.
• we were head over heels in love, such a shame you were a whore.
• we were head over heels in love, such a shame you were a whore.
• we were head over heels in love, such a shame you were a whore.
• our dreams didn't matter and i fear you still think they do.
• i gave way too freely of myself and i've learned my lesson.
• it occurs to me you and you have never heard me sing. and you have but not for real.
• i'm still angry. i try to drop it but until i toss a bucket of water on the embers the fire keeps reigniting.
• i was with you but i think i would've preferred janet.
• thorndale, heh.
• i read a quiz meme thingie, did the math and realized you two were dating before we broke up. and i felt nothing.
• you wrote it in your mom's car across from the Brickyard Mall and I could go read it right now if I wanted to.
• we walked along those train tracks for what seemed like an eternity just to end up in the fucking target parking lot.
• i hate the fact that my best years were almost spent with you and yours are yet to come.
• don't die.
• i swear i wasn't lying about being in pain when i went home that time. i was lying the next time, though.
• my best was not good enough, that's depressing.
• on the porch that night i was the closest to being myelf as i had been in jesus almost 6 years. thank you.
• the above was your father's fault.
• isn't it funny when we were our poorest we were probably our happiest too? screw love, money can't buy me smiles.
• i drank a Zima at your brother's place. i can't hear the word zima without thinking about that.
• funny how the truth came out way later and way worse than what i ever feared.
• in no specific order: mickey and malorie, voltron, desi and lucy and that one couple where she turned out to be a whore. that one.
• good mornee.
• i say you taught me a lesson but to be honest, i'd skip over the whole thing in a heartbeat. in my heart of hearts, i wish you never existed.
• you might as well not exist. in the novel of my life you're a footnote.
• you got my humor. you didn't. you thought you did and you defeinitely did.
• i didn't call Q101 that morning.
• please know: it wasn't love anymore, i got a thrill out of your misery.
• saying goodbye that day ranks in the top 20 moments of my life.
• i'm amused how retcon'd your teenage years are, if what you write is anything to go by.
• you are fucking tone deaf, i mean wow.
• there's a line in the sand where the past and the present find separation and it's shaped like your toe.
• in a lot of ways, our relationship was just a byproduct of me cutting my geek teeth.
• we were strangers in the beginning, middle and end of it all. it's not your fault, i had no idea who i was.
• added up and multiplied by 10 the sum of my love for everyone else in this world wouldn't be a speck in comparison.